Quick, to the slutcave!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
