I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
