you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
