don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
