are you still at the devil's house?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
