Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
