My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize