you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
