Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
