who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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