I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
