Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
