I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I believe in your delicious
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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