Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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