and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
