She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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