she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
