Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
