i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
