Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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