I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
