I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
