:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
