I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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