i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
