Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
