If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
