How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
