i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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