Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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