i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize