Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
