alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
