Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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