scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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