She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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