Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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