Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
