At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
