3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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