Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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