I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
