i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
