My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
