I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
