I smell stomach acid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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