She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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