Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
