Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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