I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
