His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
