i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
