I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
