we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
