Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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