A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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