You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't trust your balls anymore.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
