you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
