Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
