Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
