'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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