Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
