sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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