I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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