shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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