Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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