I murdered the dance floor call the cops
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
