At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
