"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
