every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
